Not A Girl

Hello, Lovelies. It’s Jay, and I just want to show you a poem which I wrote a few months ago on my Facebook page.

As most of you know, I am a transgender guy, and I have tried to express my feelings as a trans guy in a poem which I posted on this blog a few weeks ago. However, that previous poem didn’t quite express how I felt coming from my former restricted self to being my current, more confident and unleashed self.

Hence, I present you with the Facebook post containing my poem, Not A Girl:

 

Oct 23, 2017 1:34am

Hello.

I’m Jay, a 19-year-old trans guy.

I am a writer of poetry, song lyrics, science-fiction, action, and drama stories, and non-fiction articles for my blog.

The below is a poem about my personal struggle to accept myself until realizing that I am a boy, not a girl.

I hope you like it…

 

Just some thoughts…

I am not a girl…

I was never a girl.

And yet…

Who am I?

I will tell you…

I am the boy whose aspirations were torn to shreds,

I am the boy who was told he was not, until his heart bled red.

I am the boy who cried into his pillow every night because he

thought he could never be

the boy he so desperately needed to see.

I am the boy who screamed in frustration,

In silent rooms of darkness,

Who pled with a deaf god for death,

Until my heart turned to blank, unforgiving hardness.

Life is no meaningful thing,

Death lingers beyond every hopeless dream,

My soul drowns black and never free,

While my mind is imprisoned by every last fear created by me.

I am the boy who was told he was a girl,

The boy who never saw light because he thought he had to be,

What he never was, because he couldn’t see,

The pattern of brightness his life could be, like an artist’s half-drawn mural.

But now this black story has to end,

Or the pain inside can never mend,

For the boy inside must now become man,

While the girl’s mask above must be cast off as sand.

So now you see,

The boy comes out,

The darkness dies as from beneath,

The real personality shines about.

And as hope for the future,

My friend, reading this,

You must know that you, too,

May brave the dark abyss.

And you shall emerge stronger,

For having feared and fought,

For no true gift is better,

Than having found the you that was lost.